7-Up. A health food.

If you spend any amount of time in the grocery store these days...

(...which I don't, really. My dear husband does the grocery shopping. Mainly because grocery stores are cold. I don't like to be cold. Enough said. But actually, the guy loves it. It's the thrill of getting the best deal possible for him. He considers it success when the clerk has to hand him money at the checkout.

And I'm not kidding.

It happens.

To be honest, I think the guy really believes he should only have to pay 1950s prices for 2010 merchandise. He's delusional that way, but I love him. But enough about my frugal husband...that could be a whole other blog.)

So back to that grocery store. Namely, the increasing number of grocery items with words like "Natural," "Fortified," and "Antioxidant" slapped on the label.

Apparently we're falling for this deception, America. Because there's a bottle of Cherry 7-Up "with antioxidants" in my house right now.

A friend brought it over as part of a dinner we hosted last night. And she left it here, maybe because she's concerned for my health.

Or...because I was so mystified by it she casted it off for me to study.

Antioxidants. In soda pop.

Really?

It claims to have 10% Vitamin E. Vitamin E acetate, to be exact.

And yes, I Googled "Vitamin E acetate." I mean, come on. It sounds fake. This needs to be investigated.

According to www.vitamins-supplements.org, "Vitamin E acetate is a powerful antioxidant, possessing the ability to increase the moisturization of the skin's horny layer and thereby improve surface relief."

Uh, my skin has a "horny layer?" I'm not even goin' there.

It also says, "Vitamin E acetate is a dry, powder form of vitamin E that has no antioxidant power until the acetate is removed in the intestine as it is absorbed."

I had to re-read that sentence about 14 times. Huh? "no antioxidant power until...it is absorbed."

Okay, so it's good for my skin, if my skin ever gets the stuff. Because wouldn't you think all the other goo in that bottle of 7-Up is not likely to allow anything good to get past it? The second listed ingredient was still high fructose corn syrup, after all.

Get real, soda people. 10% vitamin E isn't likely to deter the probably 100% forms of sugar sloshing through my arteries. But nice try, 7-Up.

Then I check the ultimate source for information. Wikipedia. Look what they have to say about our magical vitamin E acetate. "It is often used in dermatological products such as skin creams. Some studies have linked this acetate to cancer."

WHAT?!?!

The antioxidants have power alright....the power to KILL you, evidently. Add them to your high fructose corn syrup beverage and wa-lah! Snap 10 years off your life.

The sad thing is, if you really stop to think about it, there really isn't anything we consume that wouldn't kill us eventually anyway. Fresh produce - someone will claim it was treated with pesticides. Water - someone will claim the plastic bottle contains carcinogens. Even soy is getting a bad rap lately. One guy is claiming soy is feminizing, therefore causing kids to become gay.

There's a soapbox for anybody that wants one, I suppose.

I'm going to get on mine now with a sparkling bottle of Cherry 7-Up in my hand. I figure if all the ingredients are opposing each other, they must cancel each other out, so it is really like drinking a glass of water.

Or at least that's what I'm going to tell myself. Until my premature death.