Sunday, February 26, 2012

Please THINK before it's in INK.

We, as a human race, are just plain odd. We do weird stuff. And worse yet, we publish it.

Every Sunday, we open the newspaper and flip through the local "Celebrate" section - a place for people to send in announcements and congratulatory sentiments. As is typical in our house, we're searching for people we may know.

This week's edition doesn't disappoint. We see the son of some people we know has tied the knot - albeit, a year ago. Okay, so they procrastinated that wedding announcement a tad. No biggie.

But then eyes shift across the page to the engagement announcement of a lovely young couple. It doesn't take long for the names to sink in and make us laugh. In this case, it's highly unlikely the blushing bride will take her husband's name. If she did, her name would become Lindsey Lindsey. That's right. Lindsey is marrying a young man who has a last name that matches her first.


Okay, we move on. To a sweet 16-year-old who probably won't forgive her parents. EVER.

The line below her picture? "Look who's old enough to date!"


I'm sure she's THRILLED that her parents announced that particular piece of information to the world. Way to go, Mom and Dad. Nothing says "Happy Birthday, I love you" like a little public humiliation.

And finally, we turn to the last page and set our eyes on a "If found, please call..." announcement. It seems innocent enough. A picture of a dog - the beloved family pet. And we assume old Fido ran off and needs to be found.

Uh, nope. After we read the text, we look a little closer at that photo.

That ain't Fido.

That's a "replica" - a statue, people! - of Fido.

Yes. That's right. This family wants the statue of their dog, or maybe it's the stuffed version of their dog - I don't know, I'm just repulsed by the creature/figurine/thingy - to be returned.

If that thing was in my house, I would find a way to make it "lost," too. Yikes!

Oh well. At least these kinds of announcements make you forget about the typical frightening picture of someone's Uncle Louie dressed like one of the Village People holding a cake iced with, "Lordy, Lordy, Looks Who's 40?"

Louie, at least you're not dead and stuffed. After all, we might lose ya.

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