Okay, so maybe it's not "in demand," but I have had a couple people indicate that I should start a blog, so I say, "Why not?" Give the people what they want! Right? Right!
Today is the first day of school. I now have a first grader and a kindergartener, which means I am left with just a 20 month old firecracker at home, BUT...he naps! So guess what I get to do during naptime?! You guessed it! WRITE! No interruptions...oh, this is bliss.
Speaking of the first day of school...I have been anticipating this day with a bit of guilty joy for the past several days. So I wasn't sure how I'd react to sending off my 2nd child to Kindergarten. I was fine until I went to hug Caleb goodbye. I felt like I was abandoning him. Maybe it's the fear that he'll get lost in the shuffle with the other 24 kids in his busy classroom, or that someone else will be putting on a band-aid when he gets hurt on the playground, or that he may only eat his cookie at lunchtime and toss the perfectly good pizza and green beans! Rachel, on the other hand, is my whiz kid and I had all the confidence in the world for her.
And then she did it.
You know the moment...you've said goodbyes and she's happy as can be, but then she sees you again after you supposedly left already. I stayed for the flag-raising ceremony. BIG mistake. She motioned me over afterwards, began to cry and said she wanted to go home. Now had I just left, I'm sure this would have been avoided. But now I'm holding my daughter's frail hand, walking her down the hall to her classroom for the 2nd time to leave her apprehensive and weepy in the arms of her teacher.
I managed to pull myself away and head to the van with little Noah in tow, only to have him begin chanting, "ACHEL!" and continue the entire drive to the gym. It's like having that little cartoon devil on your shoulder, showering you with guilt. Yes! I know! Rachel's not here! She's in someone else's care and your mother has abandoned the poor child in such an emotionally fragile state! I should be reported to CPS!
But then I'm reminded of my husband's joke as we awoke this morning, "Does Rachel start High School today?" To which I shuddered at the thought.
And so as I walk out the school doors, it hits me. The days of her clinging to my leg, begging to stay with me will be over much too soon. Instead of "Mommy, don't leave me." I'll hear, "Mom, can you just drop me off at the end of the block?" or worse yet, "Mom, can you just stay away from me? You're so embarrassing!" Yeah, I'll awaken one day and it will be the first day of school again, but my chlldren will be teenagers and I won't be filling backpacks with Crayola markers and Elmer's glue. They'll want the car and cash.
All of it will pass in a flash, and one day I'll wonder why I thought this was so hard!
One of my favorite quotes is, "A mother is not a person to lean on, but a person to make leaning unnecessary." - Dorothy Canfield Fisher
So I'm just doing my job, even though it isn't so easy all the time. Hey, I can look at it this way: all the teary eyes and leg-clinging? It's really just job security!